I wonder? Am I really lost or is it just a phase? When they speak to me if even for a moment I feel happy.
I hope this lasts, but while I am happy I am constantly reminded of how alone I am...
The dreams seem to be getting more and more intruiging as of late. It is as if I am looking from a whole new view. The birds, when they sing it is a soft melody that could lul anyone to sleep. The other day I had a nightmare. It has put me in a state recently where I feel alone. As if I should not be cared for. As if I am unworthy. I am not a person who seeks comfort from others, but I now feel as if I just need someone to hold me. Or simply a hug that lets me know they are there.
I have decided upon something. To wait. To wait for as long as i need to. That is how I seem to have always been. I am just me and that is all i want to be. Never changing for others just expressing myself in the way it comes out. S. she is probably the only person who truly knows how I feel about him. E. I truly want to ask him, but the reprocusions of my action might be negative. I shall wait. as long as i need to just to make him happy.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Gravity
Hey guys, :) I am talking to S. while writing this so if it gets messed up i apologize.
So this morning i awoke in a sicklyness I don't know what it is ugh. I about fainted today in class, but oh well. Haha I kinda had a glimpse to myself it was like a day dream. As I was about to fall E. caught me in my arms. Ha silly right? Lately the messages have been getting less and less and I hope everything is ok. I told S. what I am doing for his birthday. It is a big project. I kope he likes it.
I realize that i am randomly spotting ideas and sentences, but since nobody reads this it doesn't matter.
I have been listening to the song gravity by sara bareilles today. I don't really know why.
I also had a dream today after i came home and took a nap i was dreaming that me and E. were slow dancing to the song in the arms of an angel. It was me walking over to him and reaching for his hand and starting to slow dance with my arms wrapped up to his shoulders and his around me.
I honestly think I might have said something unsettling to him. Maby that is ehy there is no response. Could it have been the forward of the blog i posted last? who knows? well good night guys to anyone who actually reads this. i love you all.
So this morning i awoke in a sicklyness I don't know what it is ugh. I about fainted today in class, but oh well. Haha I kinda had a glimpse to myself it was like a day dream. As I was about to fall E. caught me in my arms. Ha silly right? Lately the messages have been getting less and less and I hope everything is ok. I told S. what I am doing for his birthday. It is a big project. I kope he likes it.
I realize that i am randomly spotting ideas and sentences, but since nobody reads this it doesn't matter.
I have been listening to the song gravity by sara bareilles today. I don't really know why.
I also had a dream today after i came home and took a nap i was dreaming that me and E. were slow dancing to the song in the arms of an angel. It was me walking over to him and reaching for his hand and starting to slow dance with my arms wrapped up to his shoulders and his around me.
I honestly think I might have said something unsettling to him. Maby that is ehy there is no response. Could it have been the forward of the blog i posted last? who knows? well good night guys to anyone who actually reads this. i love you all.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)